It can be a very hard thing to explain how you became who you were and are.
Sexual abuse, neglect, harassment, a lack of bonding with parents whether intentional or not, may play a role in forming those of us who struggle with same sex attraction. Our perception of our environment shapes us. Sometimes our perception may be wrong, but it is ours and we need to deal with the consequences of what we perceive.
At about the age of sixteen I became aware of an attraction to the same sex. I had no way of dealing with this at the time and no one to talk to. Feelings continued to grow and I had no one to help.
I became a committed Christian at 17yrs and in the excitement of my new faith those feelings of same sex attractiveness faded for a time. But during the following years whilst in college, and the beginning of full time work, I was again attracted towards women. After much struggling, I succumbed and entered into a same sex relationship.
My first lover and I were together for nine months. During this time my faith remained but, I was stranded between two worlds. My friends, who knew of my plight offered me love, acceptance and much prayer.
One of the turning points in my life was when I was a leader at a camp. The Director knew of my living situation and asked to have a chat with me. She explained that she would always care for me and accept me, no matter what decision I made about my life. It was this show of acceptance, that I was really longing for, and she was reflecting Christ’s love in her statement. I know it was her prayers and that of my friends that were answered..
Soon I was offered a job at the Uniting Church Office in Brisbane. As I had wanted to serve God full time for quite a long time, I grabbed the opportunity, and left my partner. I understood that I could not serve my God fully if my primary focus was elsewhere. Then, only a few short weeks later at a youth conference, I met John, and within nine months we were married!
John’s love was deep and he gave me the space I needed to work through the many issues that may have contributed to having same sex attraction. This has been achieved through “Living Waters” course, the Exodus ministry overall and a very patient counselor. I think the most important thing at this time was my determination to be free from all the hurts & wrong perceptions that had caused me to look towards another person fulfilling needs only God my Father
can. Today I am the director of “Sanctuary” ministry on the Sunshine Coast (a member ministry of EXODUS) in Queensland, Australia. I have two boys 24 & 33 yrs. John , my husband sadly passed away some 7 years ago. We would have celebrated 40 years of marriage had he still been with us.
We had worked through much together and God was faithful and enabled us who made a “lifelong” commitment to honour each other. Today I honour my heavenly Father and remain celibate. Life is not about who our partner is, but about a “lifelong” commitment to Christ and His love for us.